Godzilla

I just watched the 1998 Godzilla with the kids. I am now torn between a desire to never think about the movie again - how could they saddle Jean Reno with such lousy lines? - and a desire to write fanfic in which the lady paleontologist gets the cute scientist, instead of the brainless bimbo blonde babe who ditched him 8 years ago without even a courtesy phone call, after 4 years together and a marriage proposal which I gather she skipped town rather than bother to answer, and betrays him within seconds of meeting him again, while whining, blinking her big round blue eyes (her only discernible facial expression) and I swear, twisting her ankle and falling while GODZILLA is after them. I mean GODZILLA - who writes this crap? I really want to know who got paid for it, and I hope they donated it to charity and are doing penance now.

The paleontologist was, one gathers, disqualified from nailing the cute scientist only because a) she had a big nose and b) she was willing to come straight out and say she thought he was cute, but obviously straightforwardness or honesty were not pluses in this guy's book. Or maybe we're supposed to grasp automatically that women with long noses aren't supposed to come on to people. Because, I mean, PLEASE, aren't they supposed to just automatically know that if you have a long nose it doesn't matter if you're brilliant, hard-working, and a person of good character - being a cute blonde bimbo is just naturally going to trump all that?

I am dissuaded from writing the fanfic though because frankly the paleontologist deserves better than Matthew Broderick. Though it's fairly clear that even Matt Broderick's wimpy character is going to dump the bimbo by tomorrow morning, possibly after a post-Godzilla boink or three. Leaving her something else to widen her big round blue eyes in distress over.

I am really not surprised that that actress, whoever she was, has not been seen in a big-screen film since.